Living is probably

…more simple than we make it.

Lately, people have said “You have a lot of guts” and “You are so smart” and “It seems like things are working out for you.” 

Now, pause with me for a second.

Let me fill you in on why I have guts. My guts aren’t really mine. They’re Jesus guts. The kind of guts that I have been afraid of and haven’t wanted before. So, honestly, at some points it can look like I’m not doing okay even with these guts. I’m human. We get to choose when we want Jesus, although he always wants us. It has looked like I’ve been wore out or hated something or just didn’t want to be somewhere. At times, THAT has been so true. But, not always. 

The amount of change that has happened within my life recently and continues to unfold has been just flat-out crazy. I also should say that God has been the only consistent one. Just a bunch of repetitive and bipolar bull has been happening with my parents, their house, their jobs, the arguments between them, the threats, the poor leadership, the ignorance, etc. And my brother… Who is he anymore… But, you know what? None of it is my problem. Nobody else’s problems are mine. I have problems, but they are nobody else’s. I think I wrote that out as a reminder. Even without going into the specifics. It’s been hard to wrap myself around that concept and truth. 

I live with three people who have problems and whose lives are messy. But, not for much longer.

Soon, I’ll just be living with one person whose life is also probably messy and has her own problems. I cannot tell you how much I have been looking forward to moving out since I was 14 though. I have desired independance for both right and wrong reasons since. But, that was also the age where I started to realize things and form my opinions that have been disagreed with or undermined and distorted; just like everyone else. I made my decision for Jesus at 14. He continues to change me. And today, I don’t know where I would be if Jesus didn’t start. I’m glad that I don’t ever have to find out, either. 

I just want to serve. The world continues to tell people like my parents, my brother, and myself that “success” comes from exalting ourselves… Which is where most of these freaking issues and problems come from. 

But, I just want to serve. I’ve tried exalting myself and it doesn’t work… Please let me remind you that it’s different for a person who has the Holy Spirit. It’s different for a person who wants to follow Jesus. Ignorance plays a huge role in self-exaltation. 

For example, my parents didn’t know slavery still existed when I talked with them about it the other day. My parents “go to a building” and listen to lessons. My dad is obsessive about work and my mom does what she can. They’re comfortable with where they are. It hurts and it hurts like hell. It hurts because I love them. But it’s also hard not to want or be jealous of people who have great christian parents or even those who have taken them on mission trips or serve with them or even were the ones who told the kids about Jesus… It’s weird sometimes. 

Sometimes people look like they have it altogether. But you just never know what happens within the walls of a house or with the people. Just like we can never know what goes on in the hearts of people. I hope and pray a lot that something different would happen within this household I happen to be a part of. And half of this stuff that I’ve ranted on about probably hasn’t made sense… I just wanted to write

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Transition •

I’m in like a weird spot of adulthood but also teenagerhood. After just graduating high school, this summer has been busy but also just not. Let me put it this way, I don’t know who my friends are. I want a good friend who I can do almost anything with… See movies, go to church with, pig out with, laugh so hard drinks come out of our nose, cry with, complain with, grow with, anything honestly. But the person who I thought that was, has most likely decided to not want this friendship anymore. It’s almost like I was replaced or something. It’s just as well, I guess. We’re in different spots and different places literally. We all have our issues. I guess it has been difficult to accept that I poured a lot of myself into that friendship. Maybe spent too much time on certain boys too. Boys. Ugh. Boys that were no where near the godly man I should be waiting on, like I’m trying to now.

I’m just in a weird spot of restoration and healing too. Starting over basically. It’s weird. There have been times where I feel so alone. But it just pushes me toward Jesus more. I’m starting to really like the new church that I want to go to again and is actually across the street from my new apartment. It just seems like they really love Jesus and love people. I want to do that more. I want lose myself in Jesus love… Because right now, I don’t really know who I can be. So losing myself in his love is probably the best thing. Maybe God will help me find myself there or something. But everything seems to be changing too… It’s overwhelming to think about. 

God says he’s constant and I should probably believe that. Considering that throughout all of this and the crap, he’s been faithful.

The Truth About Mean Girls

Hope For Her Heart

84eded1c892eb4864d669211da47b0aaThe Truth about Mean Girls

The popular 2004 movie, “Mean Girls” gave everyone an inside scoop on what it’s like to be a high school girl. Although a lot of the movie was exaggerated for laughs, a lot of it can be true. Girls can be vicious, admit it. We’ve all had our heart broken by a boy probably at least once in our life, or been picked on by a guy (that’s their way of “flirting”) but let’s face it no many how tears you’ve shed of a silly boy the wounds from our fellow females can hurt worse. Why do we do that, huh ladies? Is there a reason, logic or science behind our motives? First things first, bullying is not cool. We know that girls and guys are definitely wired differently in the way we think and interact with others. We know that guys loves a healthy…

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Better stories /

Have confidence.
Moses didn’t believe in himself. He didn’t have confidence in his abilities. He even begged and argued with God to use someone else. But eventually he gave in, allowed God to use him, and because of that he was used to save millions of people from slavery. But it took overcoming insecurity to be used in that great way.
How about you? Do you need to be a more confident person?
Maybe you believe the lies: You’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, popular enough.
God has made you … well … you. And He wants to use you for great things. You just need to have the confidence.
Here are five attributes of a confident person.
They believe in themselves.

They talk with authority.

They look people in the eyes.

They don’t worry about what others think of them.

They stand up for what’s right no matter what.

Confident people often live out great stories.
So, where do you need more confidence in your life? Pray to God that He will give you confidence in that area.
And know this; when you live with confidence that God can use you for great things, that’s when you will start to see your story get better.

Growth;

I found this article by John MacArthur that brought even more clarity to my thought process, as well as that sermon too. I think in order to be truly mature it can still only come from Jesus. Spiritual maturity is what matters. 1. We really need to strengthen our conviction in God’s word… Like if it doesn’t matter or mean what it truly could, what does it mean? Do we live like God wants us to? Are we seeing what we should be seeing or do we just need to look around?! 2. We need to be kept from worldly approaches. This is hard. We’re surrounded by shadows in which we hear echoes and those aren’t even real half the time. People around us are blind. But, with Jesus and the Holy Spirit we can really see. We need to really see. 3. We should strive to be good interpreters of God’s word. If we don’t understand what it means or how a verse or something applies to our lives, we need to ask God for wisdom. We need to be willing for God to work and show us how to share with someone else. 4. We need to confront sin, man. Sin clogs the pores (haha) of our life. We want clear spiritual skin. We want to be like Jesus, right? Or, we should be striving for Jesus. Complacency kills. Once again, as individuals, we just have to realize and recognize who we are and that we’re special and called to give what we have to offer. God’s presence isn’t about fixing our problems, it’s about fixing our perspectives. God wants to go deeper and that’s why maturity is important. With immaturity comes only surface levels.