I’m in like a weird spot of adulthood but also teenagerhood. After just graduating high school, this summer has been busy but also just not. Let me put it this way, I don’t know who my friends are. I want a good friend who I can do almost anything with… See movies, go to church with, pig out with, laugh so hard drinks come out of our nose, cry with, complain with, grow with, anything honestly. But the person who I thought that was, has most likely decided to not want this friendship anymore. It’s almost like I was replaced or something. It’s just as well, I guess. We’re in different spots and different places literally. We all have our issues. I guess it has been difficult to accept that I poured a lot of myself into that friendship. Maybe spent too much time on certain boys too. Boys. Ugh. Boys that were no where near the godly man I should be waiting on, like I’m trying to now.
I’m just in a weird spot of restoration and healing too. Starting over basically. It’s weird. There have been times where I feel so alone. But it just pushes me toward Jesus more. I’m starting to really like the new church that I want to go to again and is actually across the street from my new apartment. It just seems like they really love Jesus and love people. I want to do that more. I want lose myself in Jesus love… Because right now, I don’t really know who I can be. So losing myself in his love is probably the best thing. Maybe God will help me find myself there or something. But everything seems to be changing too… It’s overwhelming to think about.
God says he’s constant and I should probably believe that. Considering that throughout all of this and the crap, he’s been faithful.